Anatomy of a Binge

Friday was a stressful day at work and by the end of the day I was on edge. On my way home I got it into my head that I wanted Boneless BBQ Chicken from Walmart’s Deli for supper and it was consuming my thoughts. 

I stopped at home first to pick up some things I had to return to Walmart, along with some things I wanted to exchange at Bath & Body. It should be noted, I stayed late at work to finish a project and it was 6pm by the time I got home. I was HUNGRY.

But I delayed my hunger so I could have Boneless BBQ Chicken from Walmart.

On my way to Walmart I decided to stop at Bath & Body first to exchange some Christmas gifts. Half an hour later I ventured over to Walmart (close to 7 and now I’m REALLY HUNGRY and still on edge from the stressful day).

I wanted the chicken in the deli to be the last thing I picked up so it would still be warm when I got home. So I ran and picked up kitty litter and de-icer for my windshield and a few other miscellaneous household things. Then I headed to the grocery side to pick up milk and cheese. 

Walking by the chip aisle, it hit me that Fritos would be good to have with the leftover chili in my fridge. So I went to pick up a bag of Fritos. I also love Funyuns and decided WTH, we’ll get some of those too. 

I zipped through aisles picking up things I needed, some PB, Kashi Waffles, Frozen Blueberries, Banana’s . . . and finally I walked up to the Deli.

@#*%@#& A!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE WAS A BIG SIGN POSTED STATING “Sorry for the inconvenience. Our fryers are down today.” NO BONELESS BBQ CHICKEN FOR MY TUMMY! 

NOW I’M REALLY ON EDGE!!!!!!

The next 15 minutes resulted in a lot of junk thrown into my cart on a POed impulse.

TGIFriday’s has those frozen appetizers and one of them was BBQ Chicken Chunks so I grabbed a box of them. I grabbed a Pizzeria UNO pepperoni pizza. I grabbed bread sticks and went back for marinara sauce, and it occurred to me that I had shrimp in the freezer at home and might not have cocktail sauce so I whipped around and grabbed that. Then I grabbed frozen mozzerella bites that would also go with the marinara sauce. And then a box of Little Debbie Fancy Cakes because I love white cake and frosting. Then I topped it off with a box of corndogs and a 20 oz. Coke.

I rushed through the checkout, getting really pissed at the self-checker because it wouldn’t scan half the stuff the first time and it would think an item was too heavy or it wouldn’t feel me put the items in the bag. AHHHHGHGGHGHGGGGGHHHH! ON FRICKIN’ EDGE!

I paid, scrambled to my car, threw the groceries in, parked the cart in the cage, and burned rubber. I also grabbed the bag of Funyuns and broke into them, eating about half the bag before I came upon Burger King and suddenly had an overwhelming urge to eat a Double Cheeseburger, no ketchup, heavy pickle. I got two of those.

I drove home, parked, carried my groceries in, put away the frozen stuff (I did buy some veggies) and anything that needed to be cooled in the fridge. I started up the oven to cook the breadsticks, threw them in the oven and then plopped on the couch to catch the rest of Moonlight and pig out. I broke open my Coke, unwrapped a cheeseburger and kept the Funyuns coming. 

The breadsticks burned so I threw in some of the mozzerella bites instead and cooked those. I ate probably 10 of those, thinking they were all really gross. I ate 1 of the cheeseburgers, the whole big bag of Funyuns, drank the coke and ate two of the packages of Little Debbie Fancy Cakes (4 cakes in all).

After a while I had calmed down. The edge was gone and the stress of the day was forgotten. But I was also feeling physically miserable. I was thirsty and drank 24oz. of water without much relief to my thirst. Way too much salt in my system. Ugh. 

Now begs the question, how could I have avoided this flip-out?

  1. I put off feeding myself for too long. I should have either picked up food on my way home or had a snack the minute I got home. I let my hunger go on too long so that it became a part of my days stress.
  2. I walked into the devil’s layer (aka Walmart) hungry. All rational thought became clouded from the need for food.
  3. I didn’t make a list and stick to it. Granted, rarely do I stick to my list but I do think a list helps me reign it in. 
  4. I didn’t take time to deal with the stress of my day. I could have done this by journaling, exercising, preparing a healthier meal at home or just giving myself some time to decompress in front of the TV.
  5. I let myself get worked up over my day at work. The last minute project wasn’t that big of a deal and if I had just rolled with it, I’d have been in a much better mental place. But I had to get frustrated by the work, stress myself out and generally overreact. 

Rationality was truly gone when I saw that sign at the Deli counter. I was like an addict not getting her fix and I snapped. And those 15 minutes of food grabbing and checking out and driving home are a blur. I’ve been in doubt that I have a problem with food, but this proves otherwise. I’m physically dependent on food for stress relief. And thinking about Deli chicken right now is actually provoking a craving.

Let’s see, I am legitimately hungry right now so it’s time for a healthy snack. Hello trail mix. Yum. More on the binge coming . . .

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