I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A frozen bird will fall dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.
– D.H. Lawrence
I love this quote. I first ever heard it from the movie GI Jane. Remembering it now, I feel like I’m on the verge of an epiphany…like my world is about to be rocked.
The wild thing inside of me, caged and pacing, needs to be freed. I need to let it go, let it have its way with me. I need to be more attuned to the wild thing in order to move forward.
I’ve stifled my wildness for so long that I no longer recognize the blank eyes staring at me in the mirror. The light has dimmed, defeat is etched across my face, and all I can think is “I’m broken.”
Enter the self-pity.
I just spin in circles with the self-pity and churn up “woh is me” bullshit. Seriously, this is how I’ve spent the last 10 years. Frick!
There’s been chatter on a lot of primal and paleo blogs the past month about primal workouts, reconnecting with nature, being functionally fit, utilizing the environment for sweat fests. Plus there’s been mention of hunting your own food and how wild animals tear into their meals and chomp and crunch away.
The chatter all speaks to the wildness in me. These topics are awakening it.
I feel it stirring and there’s a rush of excitement, a hope. Part of me wants to leap up on a table and roar with the satisfaction of feeling the wildness in me. I haven’t completely stifled it.
Mentally, I feel like a Were changing into its wolf form (thinking Underworld here). Bones bending and realigning to encase a more formidable version of me. My senses sharpening, more alert and present than they’ve been in ages. Heart quickening, blood pumping, shivers of delight and anticipation tingling up and down my spine, enveloped in the ecstasy that is my wild self.
Not a trace of self-pity or despair in this moment.
God I want the freedom of this…a freedom born of wholeness. Freedom born from reintegrating the wild thing into my being.
Stifling my wildness has only fed the self-pity. I want the self-pity merry-go-round to end (nothing merry about it – har har). It’s given me nothing except thicker love handles, high blood pressure, and anxiety attacks.
I’m going to live a wilder, freer life starting today.
**Ha, so apparently I’m reading and watching too many things about werewolves and vampires…my teeth feel funny, like my canines could extend any moment…hello wild thing.**