fork me: another year gone

You know those moments when something hits you and you’re like “Son of a b&#%$!!!!” because you realize you didn’t get the outcome you’d planned on? Yeah, I’m right there. Another year and I’m not really any slimmer than Jan 1, 2009.

But before I despair, there have been some good things about this year:

  • I’m off my blood pressure meds
  • I’m off my acid reflux pills
  • I haven’t had to use my Xanax prescription in 6 months
  • I’m taking vitamin D3 and have so far dodged a cold this fall/winter
  • I’m eating a higher fat, lower carb diet and feeling really good on it
  • My recent labs are excellent
  • And overall I’m happier and more upbeat than I was a year ago

All very good happenings. OH! And I am 5 lbs lighter than a year ago. So that is progress and all my good happenings are no small feat. In fact, I’m going to take a moment and revel in those accomplishments…

… have I mentioned that I love cats? So love them… such personality and adorableness and attitude… 🙂

Okay, so I’ve had a successful year health-wise, but a not so successful year  size-wise. And that is my great nemesis. Why do I continue to face down this opponent year after year? It’s the Skeletor to my She-Ra; wretched, unrelenting, and absolutely maddening. How do I triumph?

What I don’t get is how, 4 years ago I was able to drop 60 lbs with seemingly little effort. I mean, I was working out consistently, I focused on eating real whole food, and I avoided sugar. I’ve pretty much got the last two going for me again but the consistent exercise is not there. Can that really be the secret to my success?

One other thing I had at that time was a support group, Overeaters Anonymous, that, for whatever reason, drew me nearer to my God than church attendance was able to at the time. That gap has widened for me again, God seems far away, to the point that sometimes I think he’s forgotten about me. I’ve got various reasons for not wanting to go back to OA, and I’m not sure if it was the support I had at OA or the God factor enriching my spiritual life. But I think both would be great to rediscover.

I guess it comes down to what lengths I’m willing to go to succeed. So far, the lengths haven’t been very great. But I’d really like 2010 to be the year that I get my body together. So this week I’m going to find some guidance for conquering my nemesis. And I’m going to come back with a plan and kick some ass.

And in 2011 I won’t be screaming “Son of a b$&#%”!!!!!


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