Category Archives: being better

Recapping 2012

Yes, I know the New Year was over a month ago. Yes, recapping 2012 and giving it a proper adieu is a bit blated. Oh well. Overall it was a good year and, belated or not, it deserves a proper send off. And then hopefully I’ll finally welcome in 2013.


Okay… when last I posted I was moving to the BIG city (BIG relative to where I was living), and it has been the best move of my life. Within a month or so of the move, I found myself anxiety attack free. My stress level dropped to nil and my blood pressure is the lowest it’s been in about 10 years. Those things alone are proof enough for me that “stuck” is not a healthy place to live.

That’s where I was for 10+ years… STUCK. True, I made some strides in unsticking myself through sheer force of will, but eventually the continual trying wore me down and I found myself in a place of surrender to a numb half-life that was slowly stealing the last tendrils of joy and peace in me.

I hear a lot about how we can’t let our circumstances define us but sometimes they get the better of you and there’s no choice but to change your circumstances. If, after trying to bend yourself to circumstances, you find you’ll break if you contort yourself any further, say “fuck it” and move on. There’s no shame in setting a new course.

So here’s what has been going on in my life in the last 6 months:

  1. Moved to a new city.
  2. Joined up with OA again.
  3. Started attending church so I could meet people (the meeting people, hasn’t worked out quite as well as hoped, but I am finding church to be quite nourishing).
  4. Broke up with my boyfriend, but thankfully we have remained friends and have more fun now than when we were dating (so glad we had that sort of resolution).
  5. I started putting myself out in the dating world.
  6. Because my first date experience was with someone WAY out of my league, I realized I needed to level up my life so I started working out again and taking steps to drop weight. I started my efforts with the Morning Mile Challenge over at Nerd Fitness and have dropped 15 lbs so far.
  7. I discovered the band Mumford & Sons and because of their awesomeness am resolving to learn the banjo this year.
  8. I renewed my permit to carry a concealed weapon. This goes along with the .40 cal Berreta my dad gave me for Christmas.
  9. I discovered the band Imagine Dragons and the song Radioactive will be added to my life’s Soundtrack.
  10. I’ve made a new friend (potential boyfriend?) in my dating efforts and he is also teaching me the game “Magic The Gathering.” God help me. NERD ALERT!!

I’m happy to report that I feel like I’m living life to the full. I actually HAVE A LIFE. I’m not sitting at home every night watching television and wishing my life would start. And I’m not planning to slow down in 2013.

Looking ahead to 2013 (yeah I know – already two months in – better late than never?) … It’s time to take the bull by the horns and get myself out of debt once and for all. I also want to learn the banjo (mentioned above) and I want to take up archery. Call me crazy, but I want to be a capable of handling myself in sketchy situations and to be able to handle weapons if necessary. Weight is always a battle but I think I’m having success there – if I can just keep that momentum rolling.

So 2012 started with a whimper. I was a bit of a mess and at the end of my rope but God has carried me through.

I have loved you with an everlasting love.
I have drawn you with loving kindness.
I will build you up again,
And you will be rebuilt.
And go out to dance with the joyful.

Jeremiah 31: 3-4

I feel like this promise was handed to me at the end of 2011. It has carried me through 2012 and will continue to be my courage in 2013. My life is evolving, I am growing, and I find myself caught up in a breathtaking adventure.


Smug Alert!

You know how when you’re in a grocery store and you see someone’s cart with a lot of processed junk food in it and you think to yourself, “no wonder you’re fat” or “keep eating that way you’re gonna be fat” or “so not fair that you can eat that crap and not be fat” or “ticking time bomb” … ?

Yeah, that makes us assholes. All-around. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.

After about 3 years of hovering around Paleo/Primal blogs and devouring everything (but apparently forgetting to actually DO the stuff) I’ve noticed there is definitely an elitist attitude among the group. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not everyone… it might not even be half, but it’s there and when those people speak, it’s loud, and a whole lot of people chime in.

I understand the urge to stand there and judge… to climb up on my high horse, because I’VE got it ALL figured out. I mean, SERIOUSLY, if everyone else would just listen to ME then the world would be SUCH a better place (please read with a ridiculous amount of sarcasm… and then double it).

I catch myself being the douche described in paragraph one… too often. Sometimes I even direct it towards my family. Me. Being judgy about diet. Me. Who’s carrying a ridiculous amount of extra weight. Pot, meet kettle.

This isn’t right. It’s not right for me to pass judgment on others when I see only a tiny glimpse of their life. I’m hardly one to be passing judgement and I despise when other people pass judgement on me after catching only a glimpse of my life. No one knows the details of my life or what particular hurdle I’ve faced that day, making me lax in the quality riding around in my shopping cart.

I would like a little grace and compassion from strangers and if they can’t do that, I’d like them to mind their own businesses. Which really gets to the heart of it for me: what I eat is nobody’s business but my own. As much as I might want to control or cajole other people into eating healthy, it’s not my place. It’s especially not my place when I’m not even living up to my own dietary expectations. We all know the “do as I say, not as I do” bs won’t fly.

If I hope for grace from others, then I need to show grace to others. And if I want people to mind their own business, I need to mind my own. I’m challenging myself to be better about this… to show grace to others even if my standards aren’t met. And really, someday I hope my standards won’t even come into play and that I can embody love and grace without any effort on my part.

Are you looking in other people’s carts at the grocery store? Do you worry other’s are looking at the contents of your cart? Any idea what the title of this post comes from? Anyone? Enter Southpark… hilarious!

Smug Alert!