Category Archives: goals

Recapping 2012

Yes, I know the New Year was over a month ago. Yes, recapping 2012 and giving it a proper adieu is a bit blated. Oh well. Overall it was a good year and, belated or not, it deserves a proper send off. And then hopefully I’ll finally welcome in 2013.


Okay… when last I posted I was moving to the BIG city (BIG relative to where I was living), and it has been the best move of my life. Within a month or so of the move, I found myself anxiety attack free. My stress level dropped to nil and my blood pressure is the lowest it’s been in about 10 years. Those things alone are proof enough for me that “stuck” is not a healthy place to live.

That’s where I was for 10+ years… STUCK. True, I made some strides in unsticking myself through sheer force of will, but eventually the continual trying wore me down and I found myself in a place of surrender to a numb half-life that was slowly stealing the last tendrils of joy and peace in me.

I hear a lot about how we can’t let our circumstances define us but sometimes they get the better of you and there’s no choice but to change your circumstances. If, after trying to bend yourself to circumstances, you find you’ll break if you contort yourself any further, say “fuck it” and move on. There’s no shame in setting a new course.

So here’s what has been going on in my life in the last 6 months:

  1. Moved to a new city.
  2. Joined up with OA again.
  3. Started attending church so I could meet people (the meeting people, hasn’t worked out quite as well as hoped, but I am finding church to be quite nourishing).
  4. Broke up with my boyfriend, but thankfully we have remained friends and have more fun now than when we were dating (so glad we had that sort of resolution).
  5. I started putting myself out in the dating world.
  6. Because my first date experience was with someone WAY out of my league, I realized I needed to level up my life so I started working out again and taking steps to drop weight. I started my efforts with the Morning Mile Challenge over at Nerd Fitness and have dropped 15 lbs so far.
  7. I discovered the band Mumford & Sons and because of their awesomeness am resolving to learn the banjo this year.
  8. I renewed my permit to carry a concealed weapon. This goes along with the .40 cal Berreta my dad gave me for Christmas.
  9. I discovered the band Imagine Dragons and the song Radioactive will be added to my life’s Soundtrack.
  10. I’ve made a new friend (potential boyfriend?) in my dating efforts and he is also teaching me the game “Magic The Gathering.” God help me. NERD ALERT!!

I’m happy to report that I feel like I’m living life to the full. I actually HAVE A LIFE. I’m not sitting at home every night watching television and wishing my life would start. And I’m not planning to slow down in 2013.

Looking ahead to 2013 (yeah I know – already two months in – better late than never?) … It’s time to take the bull by the horns and get myself out of debt once and for all. I also want to learn the banjo (mentioned above) and I want to take up archery. Call me crazy, but I want to be a capable of handling myself in sketchy situations and to be able to handle weapons if necessary. Weight is always a battle but I think I’m having success there – if I can just keep that momentum rolling.

So 2012 started with a whimper. I was a bit of a mess and at the end of my rope but God has carried me through.

I have loved you with an everlasting love.
I have drawn you with loving kindness.
I will build you up again,
And you will be rebuilt.
And go out to dance with the joyful.

Jeremiah 31: 3-4

I feel like this promise was handed to me at the end of 2011. It has carried me through 2012 and will continue to be my courage in 2013. My life is evolving, I am growing, and I find myself caught up in a breathtaking adventure.



Awww, yeah! I’ve inched another year closer to middle-age! Some people are bothered by age but I had my age meltdown when I was 17 and freaking out over almost being an adult. I haven’t freaked since and I’m hoping I won’t be having a meltdown at 40. Because that would totally ruin my superiority complex over not being bothered by aging. I have zero shame in admitting my age… though I won’t admit it on here because it feels like giving away too much personal detail. You already know my birthday is April 29. I’d hate for you to figure out the year and suddenly have the password to a crapload of healthcare and work-related sites that always use that stuff as passwords.

Like you really care. But as a precaution, we’ll just say I haven’t hit 35 yet. And NO, 35 is not middle-aged. Based on the women in my family, 50 is about middle-aged. I’m going to be a centarian! (autocorrect wants me to change that word to centurion… that’s a roman soldier isn’t it… cool).

So based on all the above nonsense… I’m stoked it’s my birthday. I’d like to start the practice of having birthday weeks and celebrating all week (and really that already kind of happens in order to get together with friends). Eventually it’s going to be a birthday month. Oh yeah. Presents and tasty food all month long! What’s not to love?

So I feel compelled to reflect briefly on life since it is the turning of another year. Around the new year I found an inspirational image on Pinterest that said “2011 is the last year I’m going to be fat. Really.” And I thought, yeah, definitely making this happen. And I’m making some gains towards that but it’s been slow going.

So I’m reworking it a little bit:

2011. The last 300+ year of my life. This is a fact and a promise.

I’ve got about 40-45 lbs to drop in the next 8 months. Totally doable. Now to just get my ass in gear.

There was indulgence today this past week since it’s my birthday. Tomorrow? Back on the no sugar kick.

April 30 – May 6

  • No sugar! 2 squares of dark chocolate allowed per day if struggling – consider it a lifeline if REALLY desperate.
  • Ease up significantly on the grain products.
  • 2 kettlebell workouts.
  • 1 walk around the neighborhood (good chance to bond with my mom).

Gonna rule this week!

Hope you rule your week too!

6 Week Challenge… Count Me IN!

Over at NerdFitness (a new delight for me) they are starting a 6 week challenge (why six weeks? My theory is that the 30 day/one month challenge is SOOO overdone). Rules for the challenge include setting 2-3 diet/fitness goals and one “level up your life” goal. IN the interest of being a joiner, I thought I’d participate and kick my butt into gear.

Diet/Fitness goal 1: Go full-on Primal and drop about 10 lbs. I have a health screening for work coming up right about the time this challenge ends so it’ll be a way to make sure my cholesterol and blood pressure are in line. Although I maybe should have started this back in January to really reap benefits. But gotta start somewhere right?

Diet/Fitness goal 2: Break out the kettlebells and start a primal fitness plan. Lift heavy things at least 2 times a week. Do some HIIT 2 times a week. And then move frequently/play 2 times a week.

Level-Up Goal: Chart out my large bills that needs to be paid and nerd out on a budget to tackle these debts. They don’t have to be paid off in the 6 weeks (not possible) but the plan needs to be in place and the money needs to be flowing towards them.

Level-Up Goal BONUS (Because I apparently like to sabotage myself!): Update my resume and start shopping around for a more challenging occupation.

Join the Nerd Fitness challenge!

health stats 5-2010

Spank me. I’ve apparently been a bad, bad girl.

Back in Dec 2009, right before Christmas, I had amazing labs (can’t remember exactly what they were but will dig them up sometime for comparison).

Last week I had some labs done at a health screening sponsored by my job and I finally had to face the truth that my diet and exercise habits have been crap the past 4 months.

The results:

  • Total cholesterol = 227 mg/dl
  • HDL = 63 mg/dl
  • TC/HDL Ratio = 3.6
  • A1c (3 mo. average) = 5.4
  • Blood Pressure = 138/93
  • Weight 332 lbs
  • BMI = 50.7

Okay, so these labs aren’t quite as thorough as what I get at my doctor’s office, but they do give some indicators. Honestly I was expecting my total cholesterol to have increased but I’d expected my HDL to go down. And I’d thought my blood sugar would be an issue since I’ve been macking on the sugar. So actually there is some good news in that I haven’t wreaked as much damage as I’d thought.

But that doesn’t mean I’m damage free. The fact that I’ve gained 20 lbs in 4 months is a big ol’ warning sign. And I’m also bothered by my blood pressure (bp). I’ve started noticing my blood pressure spiking when I eat crap and I don’t feel good when that happens. I don’t know if bp is really an issue, especially given the questionable significance of cholesterol measures, but I figure if I could get back to the bp figures I had in high school, I’d probably be better off.

And then my total cholesterol has probably increased because the vLDL has gone up – which is the small dense stuff that fills the fissures in arteries. Sugar is the main culprit in raising the concentration of vLDL so I’m guessing it’s a definite increase.

Things need to change. Over this past week I’ve been working on getting my eating in better order. I’ve had some success but still, really, have a ways to go. I did avoid fast food all but one time this past week so that was a success.

For this next week, a few goals:

  • Continue cooking most of mymeals at home
  • Engage in purposeful exercise 3 times this week for at least 20 min. (i.e. Kettlebells)
  • Find some new recipes to use

obligatory New Years post

So since it is January 1, 2010, I feel obliged to post something about goals or resolutions.

The thing is I’ve done the obligatory New Years post every year with grand claims about how I was going to kick ass the next year.  Then when that year is up I realize I’m still at square one and mostly I just feel disgusted that another year has gone by and I’ve done absolutely NOTHING to improve myself.

So this year I think I’m just going to ignore the resolutions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to try to make changes and improvements, but they’re going to be improvements for the long haul with no expiration or deadline. I’m going to focus on small improvements I can make… gradual revisions to my life that are relatively – or at least minimally – pain free.

Some general thoughts on things I want to improve upon:

  • Spiritual: I’d like my life to be permeated by a sense of peace and calm. I’d like restored faith in God and to be able to rest in the notion that He is in control and I’m allowed to JUST BE with Him. Performance is not necessary.
  • Attitude: I want to be less cynical, more optimistic. It seems like my knee-jerk reaction to everything is half-empty, doom-n-gloom skepticism. I don’t really like that about myself. I’d also like to learn to focus on the good things in my life and be grateful for what I have.
  • Physical: I want to be stronger and more capable. I want to be functionally fit and able to save my own life if circumstances demand it. I’d like to be as fit as a warrior and highly trained in a martial art.
  • Financial: I want to unload the bad debt I have (credit cards). I want to stockpile an emergency fund. And I want to spend my money more wisely. I’d also like to continue working on a book I’ve been developing. I think the story-line is interesting but wether or not I can develop it into a desirable read is yet to be seen.
  • Diet: I want to focus on whole, nourishing foods, cut out sugar and starches, and prepare and consume amazing meals.

So there’s a few things I’m going to begin pursuing. As part of getting myself in better physical condition I believe I’m going to look at hiring a personal trainer or getting some level of accountability and direction online. As part of my diet, I’m going to try to get more organic and grass-fed foods on my plate. Financially this will be a burden so I need to set up a food plan and a strict budget to work along with it.

So I have some work to do here, some planning and preparing in order to steer my life in the direction I want it to go. I’ll work out the plans in more detail in the coming days.

fork me: another year gone

You know those moments when something hits you and you’re like “Son of a b&#%$!!!!” because you realize you didn’t get the outcome you’d planned on? Yeah, I’m right there. Another year and I’m not really any slimmer than Jan 1, 2009.

But before I despair, there have been some good things about this year:

  • I’m off my blood pressure meds
  • I’m off my acid reflux pills
  • I haven’t had to use my Xanax prescription in 6 months
  • I’m taking vitamin D3 and have so far dodged a cold this fall/winter
  • I’m eating a higher fat, lower carb diet and feeling really good on it
  • My recent labs are excellent
  • And overall I’m happier and more upbeat than I was a year ago

All very good happenings. OH! And I am 5 lbs lighter than a year ago. So that is progress and all my good happenings are no small feat. In fact, I’m going to take a moment and revel in those accomplishments…

… have I mentioned that I love cats? So love them… such personality and adorableness and attitude… 🙂

Okay, so I’ve had a successful year health-wise, but a not so successful year  size-wise. And that is my great nemesis. Why do I continue to face down this opponent year after year? It’s the Skeletor to my She-Ra; wretched, unrelenting, and absolutely maddening. How do I triumph?

What I don’t get is how, 4 years ago I was able to drop 60 lbs with seemingly little effort. I mean, I was working out consistently, I focused on eating real whole food, and I avoided sugar. I’ve pretty much got the last two going for me again but the consistent exercise is not there. Can that really be the secret to my success?

One other thing I had at that time was a support group, Overeaters Anonymous, that, for whatever reason, drew me nearer to my God than church attendance was able to at the time. That gap has widened for me again, God seems far away, to the point that sometimes I think he’s forgotten about me. I’ve got various reasons for not wanting to go back to OA, and I’m not sure if it was the support I had at OA or the God factor enriching my spiritual life. But I think both would be great to rediscover.

I guess it comes down to what lengths I’m willing to go to succeed. So far, the lengths haven’t been very great. But I’d really like 2010 to be the year that I get my body together. So this week I’m going to find some guidance for conquering my nemesis. And I’m going to come back with a plan and kick some ass.

And in 2011 I won’t be screaming “Son of a b$&#%”!!!!!

woh- what happened?

I was rockin’ along really well on the Primal Blueprint challenge that first week and then I sorta flipped over the weekend and ate a full box of pudding made with the best milk in the world (Farmer’s All Natural Creamery). I never bounced back from it. I tried fairly diligently that next week but then I crashed and burned over the weekend once again.lfrustrated

After that I just sorta gave up. I think part of it was an aversion to being involved in something that suddenly “everyone” was plugged into. That, and it was eat, sleep, shit Primal Blueprint Challenge over at Mark’s Daily Apple and I think there was just too much “noise” – it detracted from the challenge for me.

Or maybe these are just convenient excuses I latched onto because I didn’t really want to do the challenge? Who knows.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to the challenge being over and everything settling down over at MDA. And I’m looking forward to not having this half-hearted commitment hanging around my neck like an albatross.

So now I’m hitting the reset button and getting myself back on track eating yummy fat and protein and some veggies and fruits. It was definitely time to get back to the good stuff because my acid reflux was rebounding – urgh. Today has been very medicinal for that.

I’m hitting a mental reset button too because I had plans to get together with a guy I’ve been crushing on for about 9 months and he’s once again bailed because he found himself a new girlfriend. FRICK!! I’m pissed and I need to ride this anger into a kick-ass workout program (something that has been lacking in this primal journey).

So that’s my update.